Lora Lee 
Expectations are a part of life. We all have them and for the most part, having expectations can be a good thing. They can play an important role in determining how events in our lives play out. We all have expectations when it comes to our cats. We want them to be happy, healthy, and to get along with each other. But what happens when your expectations and your cats’ realities don’t align? How do you cope? Adjusting your expectations can help eliminate stress and disappointment for all parties involved.
Expectations VS. Reality
I have been learning a lot on how to provide for my cat’s physical wellbeing, as well as their mental, emotional and spiritual needs. Setting high expectations for my cats and not being willing to adjust them can cause unnecessary stress for all of us. When our expectations are not met, we feel disappointed. Our cats, being the amazing sentient beings that they are, will pick up on that disappointment. Then, the stress comes in, which ultimately will affect them on many levels. A vicious cycle. But one you have some control over.
Keeping our expectations realistic, and having the ability to adjust them, is important. You may want your cats to behave a certain way. Be more loving. More playful. Or just get along with each other. As cat parents, we need to keep in mind that our babies are living creatures with their own personalities. Placing our expectations on them is no different than placing expectations on another human being. How do you cope when your expectations are not being met?
Adjusting Expectations
I never really thought that I was placing high expectations on my cats. It was natural for me to accept if one of my cats were not particularly loving. I never forced them to snuggle, knowing that some cats are just not the snuggly type. Accepting their boundaries is important and not really an expectation that I place on my cats. The one expectation that I set for my cats is to get along with each other. I am not saying that they all have to be snuggle buddies, but I do expect them to live peacefully with each other. And this has been a big challenge the past few months.
We all want to live in peace and harmony. Having tension in the house is not good for anyone involved. And we have been dealing with a lot of tension between Zazzles, Bodie, and Hemingway. I have had numerous cats in my lifetime, and I have never dealt with tension like this before. We have had the occasional misunderstanding at times. Little scuffles and disagreements. But this has been full on animosity and hatred, which has led to some pretty scary physical altercations. Not good, not good at all.
So, I have had to adjust my expectations. Meet my babies where they are at emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Look at things from their perspectives and adjust accordingly. Where is the tension and aggression coming from? Why those three cats? And, most importantly, what can I do to support them and ease their tension? I have been working on the answers to those questions for months now. Finally, we are starting to see some results.
Light at the End of the Tunnel
Once I understood the reasons behind the tensions, I was able to start implementing ways to ease said tensions. Fear is a strong emotion and has been at the root of the tensions and has shown itself in the form of aggression. Easing their fears has been the key to easing the tensions. I have pulled from all of my “woo woo” resources. At this point, we are utilizing Jackson Galaxy’s Solutions daily. All of the cats get to practice self-selection with color therapy and herb gardens from Naturally Cats. After learning about how to safely use essential oils and hydrosols from Essential Animals, we have started using Frankincense, Chamomile, and Peppermint to ease any fears my cats may have.
The biggest resource that I have implemented has been myself. Knowing that my cats are little furry teachers with lessons that I must learn. Patience, acceptance, being present and willingness to adapt have just been a few lessons. I now know that Bodie and Zazzles may never become best buds and that is ok. Giving them the space they need to be who they are is what matters. Hemingway being “on guard” around Zazzles is not ideal, but at least they can be in the same room now. Small steps. Removing my expectations for my cats has been the most important thing that I could do for them. Allowing them to be themselves.
“You can enter into close relationships with some animals. Such relationships can teach us not only a lot about the animal in question, but also about language and about ourselves.” –
Eva Meijer, Animal Languages
